The Joys of Snooping
by Kuroda-chan
Summary: [FE9][Path of Radiance] What better way to cure boredom than snooping? Chapter2 Boyd tries to find out Zihark's seeeeeecret secret. Rated for safety. Possible pairings may appear in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1: How this whole thing started

Yay, I'm finally back! Or something!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, blah blah blah, whatever.

Author's Note: This story takes place before Chapter 24 in Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance. Just thought you might want to know that... or something. It doesn't really need to be said, but I just wanted you to get an idea of which characters will be in it... I think?

So, here goes nothing?

**CHAPTER ONE**

* * *

"But... but... I'm so boooooored!" Boyd complained loudly, "There's nothing to do... at all!" 

Soren looked up from the plans for the next battle he was going over. "Oh, shut up, Boyd. Nobody wants to hear you whine."

Oscar nodded with that usual, unchanging expression he always has on his face. "You could go train."

"Noooooo way!" Boyd protested. "I've already trained enough! Plus, it's not exciting at all if I'm doing it by myself..." The green-haird mercenary attempted to look dejected, but he just ended up making a weird looking face.

"So find a training partner, idiot." Soren sighed as he wrote something very important-looking down.

Boyd folded his arms over his chest. "Okay! Who wants to train with me? And by the way, you better not be a bad fighter, because I'm in the mood for a challenge!"

"Well, don't look at me. I'm the tactician." Soren said, still writing.

"Titania and I are helping Soren..." Oscar said sheepishly.

And many more excuses were made up and spoken, but I don't feel like writing them down. They aren't all that interesting anyway.

Boyd grunted angrily. "Is there _anybody_ who doesn't have some craptastic excuse?"

Fingers pointed accusingly at Shinon and Zihark.

"Bah." Shinon snorted. "No_ way _am I training with some ignorant whelp like Boyd."

"Um..." Zihark's voice trailed off as he tried to think of a reasonable excuse.

Boyd grabbed Zihark by his wrist and began dragging him out the door. "Okay, Zihark it is!"

Everyone else in the room laughed at Zihark's pain.

* * *

"You know, I don't really feeeeeeel like training anymore." Boyd admitted a few moments after they went outside. 

"...Well, thanks for wasting my time." Zihark sighed.

"Hey--wait!" Boyd shouted at Zihark before he could turn his back on the warrior. "Everyone else _thinks_ we're training. We could always do something...else?"

"Like what?" Zihark asked as he raised his eyebrow.

Boyd whispered something in the swordmaster's ear.

Zihark nodded. "Oh. I see what you're saying. I suppose that sounds... fun."

* * *

Soren closed up the makeshift folder he kept his plans in and set it down on a nearby table. He sighed and turned off the light of the lamp, since he was the last one awake. "Well, tomorrow's going to be a long day," the sage mumbled to himself. "I better go to sleep..." Surprisingly or not, Soren fell asleep quite quickly. It became the perfect opportunity...

* * *

"Shh!" Boyd hissed quietly, holding a finger up to his lips. 

-Que Mission Impossible theme-

The green-haired warrior stepped warily into the hallway, followed soon after by Zihark, making no noise at all. Zihark crept ahead of Boyd, cautiously stepping on the wooden floorboards and wincing everytime his foot touched the floor, waiting for some uncalled for noise to disrupt the painful silence.

Boyd glanced in every direction, then made his move as he tiptoed into Soren's room, thankful that the door had been left ajar. He motioned to Zihark to stay outside silently. The swordsmaster stood still outside the doorway, his gaze wandering throughout the hallway in an almost paranoid sort of way.

After a few minutes, Boyd emerged from Soren's room, carrying something that's shape couldn't be seen in the darkness. The two both did some stealthy maneuver and went back to Boyd's room.

Boyd pumped his fist in the air triumphantly and set the 'bundle' down on the floor. Zihark closed the door, silently, of course, and sat down on the ugly carpet.

"Let's see what's inside..." Boyd whispered as he opened the book, which, by the way, is what was inside the 'bundle'.

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_I hope nobody every reads this. My reputation will be completely ruined and I'll never be able to live it down. If I EVER find that somebody's been reading this... Well, let's just say that the consequences won't be... pretty. _

_Today I did the usual tactician routine... Planning strategies gets boring after a while, to be honest. Well, that's boring stuff, so I should probably talk about something more interesting. Oh, of course. Today I talked to Ike for a bit, then I went to my room, where I was confronted by Lethe. She was wondering about a heads up on the strategy so she could plan accordingly. I normally would just get irritated and tell anybody else to go away (aside from Ike, of course), but I can make an exception if it's Lethe... Sigh... I think she hates me... I'll never be able to show my true feelings to the only girl I've ever loved. Such is the way of the Branded... _

_Now I'm getting all depressed. Maybe I should take a nap or something, or go back to planning. _

_Uh-oh, here comes Mia. I better put this away. Until tomorrow, I guess. _

* * *

Both of the boys managed to stiffle their laughter as they closed Soren's diary. 

"Oh, right," Zihark said, "We better put this back before anybody finds out..."

Boyd nodded. "I'll take it back on my own, I know where to put it. You can stay here and--"

"Or I could just go back to my room..." Zihark remarked.

"Or that." Boyd said as he stuck his head into the room from the hallway. "See ya tomorrow."

Zihark gave Boyd a fake salute as he walked out the doorway quietly. "G'night."

**--END CHAPTER ONE--**

Did you like it? Was it stupid? Should I write more? Feel free to suggest Zihark's and Boyd's next victim if you have a preference or something. As always, reviews are welcome.


	2. Chapter 2: Secret Secrets

Well, here's chapter two of my fanfic. I hope you enjoy it...

**CHAPTER TWO**

* * *

"What?!" Boyd whined. "We were just getting started!" 

Zihark shrugged. "I didn't think this would be a routine. It was fun the first time, but I don't want to get caught."

"Ohhhh, I see how it is." Boyd remarked knowingly. "YOU'VE got some seeeeeecret secret that you don't want anybody to know about!"

"Um... no." was all the swordmaster could say to Boyd's odd statement.

Boyd... laughed. "Ha. YOU'RE IN DENIAL."

"No, I'm pretty sure I don't have some 'seeeeeecret secret'."

"Riiiiiiiiiiight."

"Exactly my point."

"I still think you're lying..." Boyd muttered.

"I'm not." Zihark argued.

"You are too."

"Am not"

"Are too."

"Am not."

Boyd thought for a second. "Are not."

"Am too--DARN IT BOYD!" Zihark stomped.

"I got yooooouuuu! Now, tell me your secret!" the warrior demanded.

"You mean the one that doesn't exist?" Zihark asked sarcastically.

"YES, I mean the one that doesn't--...LIAR!" Boyd yelled. "Fine, if you won't tell me, then I'll just find out myself!" he turned around and walked off somewhere...some place... who cares?

* * *

Boyd poked his head out from behing the door to Mia's room. 

"What do you want?" The purple-haired girl asked.

"I'll make it quick and to the point. I need somebody to help me find Zihark's seeeeecret secret." Boyd said as he stepped into the room.

"Why should I help you?" Mia asked while adjusting her shoulder guard.

"Weeeeeeell... I guess... you'll never know his seeeeecreeeet seeeecreeet." the green-haired boy said nonchalantly, rubbing his fingers together in an odd fashion.

"So?"

"Every night, you'll be asking yourself _what the secret was._ Then it'll haunt you for the rest of your life."

"Um..." Mia glanced around nervously and undecisively.

"YOU JUST HAAAAAVE TO KNOW THE SEEEEECRET SEEEEEEEEECRET!" Boyd said--no, shouted--as Mia began to sweat from anticipation.

"ALL RIGHT! I'LL DO IT!" Mia finally cracked.

"I knew you'd see it my way."

Only, Mia was confused about one liiiiitle, tiiiiny detail. "Um... why do we have to find a 'seeeeeeecret' secret? Why not just a secret?"

"I'm not interested in ordinary secrets! If there are any secret secrets, I have to go and find them! Isn't that more fun?"

"I guess so." Mia agreed.

* * *

Boyd peered over Zihark's shoulder. "What'cha doin'?" he asked. 

"I'm cleaning my sword." Zihark answered.

Boyd gasped. "WHY? IS IT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN... **_KILLING?_**"

"Uh, Boyd, we just came back from a battle. Of course I kill people in battle. I HAVE to."

Pulling out a tape recorder, Boyd grinned. He played the recording of Zihark's voice.

_"I kill people."_

"H-hey!" Zihark grabbed for the tape recorder.

"So..." Boyd began, pulling the recorder out of the swordmaster's reach. "Who did you kill? WAS IT YOUR OWN...FAMILY?"

"I never killed my own family!"

_"I kill people. I -static- killed my own family!"_

Zihark smashed the tape recorder with his sword. "Take THAT!"

"No, my blackmail!" Boyd yelled, running out into the hall. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! AND I'LL FIND YOUR SECRET! I'M ONTO YOU"

After hearing Boyd scream some more weird things, Jill leaned out into the hall to see what the heck was going on. "Um... what's with you?" she asked as Boyd stormed past.

"Definitelynothingtodowithasupersecresecretthatdoesn'tconcernyou." He said quickly, afraid Jill would 'find what the "secret" was'.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." Jill said, confused.

"GOOD, BECAUSE THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER THAT DOESN'T CONCERN MORTALS SUCH AS YOURSELF."

"Boyd, I'm pretty sure you're a mortal, too."

"...As far as YOU know..." Boyd replied with shifty eyes.

Now, by this time, Jill had started to become very weirded out. So she walked back into her room, slammed the door, locked it, and crawled underneath her bed. Moving on...

Mia was waiting at the end of the hall for Boyd. "Uh, Boyd, I thought you needed somebody else to help you. Because it just looks like you're wasting my time."

Aaaaand, this is when Boyd tries to make himself look cool and or smart. "Well, maybe it's because you're just to STUPID to do anything, STUPID."

"Okay, you're a retard." Mia left Boyd standing in the hallway by himself. But Boyd had his eyes closed as part of his 'smug' look, so he didn't notice that he was alone until about five minutes later. Idiot. Well, let's skip to...er... dinner?

* * *

Boyd sat down at the table next to Ulki, his..."hawk brother". "Hey, Ulki! What's going on?" 

"Nothing is going on." Ulki replied blandly. "I hate my life."

"Uh...okay." Boyd nodded, acting like he agreed. I'm starting to feel that Ulki's weirder than Boyd. The green-haired boy looked around the room. "Hey, where are Zihark and Mia?"

Ulki just kept staring at the wall in an emo way, but still replied. "I heard them talking. They said they didn't want to be in the same room as you."

"Oh." Boyd replied, feeling rejected. Well, it _was_ his fault.

There was a silence between the two mercenaries (if you count Ulki as a mercenary, that is) for several mintues.

Then Ulki broke the silence by screaming, "NOBODY UNDERSTAND MY PAAAAAAIN!" he stood up and ran outside.

Everyone looked at Boyd, since he was the only one near Ulki at the time.

"I didn't do anything! He's just stupid!" Boyd protested. But nobody believed Boyd. Why should they? Then Boyd stood up. "FINE, YOU GUYS ARE ALL JERKS!" Then he turned around and ran to his room.

**END CHAPTER TWO**

Eh, I thought this one was a bit funnier than the last one. I hope you liked it.


End file.
